Word Mandala

Have you observed the beautiful masterful art of the monks when they create a sand Mandala? The colored grains of sand organized in designs and swirls that creates something so beautiful. When the design is complete they empty it away and it is gone forever, never to be created again. Gone!

Tonight I captured some very profound thoughts. Thoughts organized around codependency. I shared memories of a joke I heard, "what did the codependent see when he was on his death bed? Someone Else's life passing before his eyes". That joke, propelled me to reflect on my mothers illness, my mortality and a sharing of my own experiences as they related to codependency. I wrote about how I willingly allowed my life to become so entangled with another, about being sucked into the vortex of their life, a vacuum that propelled me. I wrote about what a dishonor it was to loose my anchor and to assert my weight upon the sails of another. I captured how important it is for me to give of myself but to maintain my independence, and I wrote in that final paragraph... the climactic thought that when I leave this planet the life I see flashing before my eyes HAD DAMN WELL BE MINE! and then, I do what I do, I put someones needs ahead of my own, to return a phone call that could have waited until my thoughts had been fully realized and in the touch of a button POOF .... it was all gone! All my thoughts, all my words... all of my feelings. My spirit felt realizations disappeared, I couldn't recapture them. While I am telling this story, another was created. My thoughts, my feelings, my words... a Mandala, How symbolic! The lesson, that the lesson isn't over, my codependency has deep roots and by not paying attention to my life, I discount it. If I want the life that passes in front of my eyes at my death to be mine... I had better damn well be paying attention. My word mandala, swept away, How profound.